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Today I cried 3 times

Today I cried 3 times. I can’t remember when I last did that. Which is a good thing!

This is how each came about:

1) Physical pain tears, when a sliding piece of wood hit me in the face

2) Mummy tears when Warner Small cried because she has loved her first year at big school so much, she doesn’t want six weeks holidays, just two will do

3) Tears of frustration when I was reminded out of the blue that I actually still can’t do some things as well as I could pre-treatment. Including multi-tasking and multi-focussing under pressure / in stressful situations.

I used to thrive under pressure. I used to crave having too much to do.

Now, when I’ve got more than one thing going on, everything takes longer and needs quadruple checking. The computer in my mind is no longer able to function with multiple windows open.

It is so frustrating that something I used to buzz off now reduces me to (in my mind at least) a useless wreck. 

Creating a new career for myself where I no longer take on highly stressful roles, but where instead, I work with others to reduce the stress in their roles, has been entirely the right move for me.

And to now add some work with charity leaders to demonstrate that while some stress (eustress) does indeed improve performance, too much stress (distress) drastically reduces performance and can often be detrimental to mental and physical health, is the ideal next step.

Today I was reminded of this. 

Maybe the wood-in-the-face incident was in fact a subconscious reminder for me to practice what I preach. And the black eye I’m sure to wake up to tomorrow will maintain that reminder for the next day or two

Claire xx

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